12 Tantalizing Tips For Your Best Sex Everby Carissa Andrews - April 20th, 2015
Let’s face it, life gets busy; and when it does, sometimes the last thing on our minds is sex. I mean, who’s thinking of doing the dirty while changing a screaming baby’s poo diaper? Or when you’re feeling like a bloated orangutan that just downed a pint of Tom and Jerry’s because the stress of the day got the better of you? Regardless of the reason, the season, or the length of your relationship everyone goes through droughts in their sexual relationship. As I stated in a previous article, as many as 43% of women suffer some form of sexual dysfunction – that’s approximately 16 million women in the United States alone that have lost touch (pardon the pun) with an important part of their lives.
As funny as comedians make the supposed sexual doldrums of married life, many couples don’t find it all that amusing. In fact, more women than not would like to have a more fulfilling sex life with their partners. I’m willing to wager the men are right there with them.
Even if you think your sex life is going great, there’s always room to take it from great to stupendous.
Are you read for a new kind of romp?
1. Get over self-doubtThis one is a biggie. You can’t have great sex if your head is clouded with insecurities. Sure, you might find a few moments of bliss, but you’re missing out on the mind-blowing stuff. There are two things to remember about this scenario: First, if you have something you don’t like about yourself, you are always open to change it. If it cannot be changed, it can certainly be accepted. Determine what’s in your control and own it. Second, your partner isn’t in it to judge you. They are there to enjoy the…erm…ride, so to speak. So relax, and give yourself a break to appreciate and revel in the moment. You both deserve that much!
2. Know your cycleIt’s no secret a woman’s menstrual cycle can wreak havoc on her moods. By understanding these cycles, you set yourself up to have amazing sex. Not to mention it helps tremendously when trying to get pregnant (or NOT). For example, did you know that your best weeks to have sex are actually week 1 (during your period) and week 2? This is because your hormones have kicked into high gear. (Stay tuned; I’ll be writing another article soon on just this aspect!)
3. Make a play dateThis one is for all the parents out there who will get the double entendre. When life gets hectic with kids and obligations, it is more important than ever to make time to reconnect to your partner. After all, the most important relationship you have is with your significant other. The kids will grow up and move on. If you want a lasting relationship and love life when they’re gone, you need to maintain the effort with your spouse. Sit down with your honey and map out your play dates and stick to them. Use the calendar to tease your spouse throughout the day to keep the embers burning until the kids are in bed. Make a pact that this is the one night where the words “I’m too tired" will never be uttered.
4. Get your fantasy freak onStart letting your mind wander to the places that turn you on. Let go of the judgment or social stigma that your circles may have attached to it. You’re here to have mind-blowing sex, remember? So if the idea of having a sexy rendezvous in a dark alley makes you hot, for example, let your mind go. Better yet, be brave and tell your partner your fantasy as you’re exploring it. Watch the fireworks explode and see new doors open for the two of you to connect.
5. Use your wordsThis goes for both of you. As much as we all wish we were, we aren’t mind readers. When you like something your partner is doing, want them to try something else, or even when you want to turn them on with those sexy fantasies you’ve been thinking about; communication is the key. Open up and tell them what’s going on in your mind. This alone has the power to change the sexy doldrums into the making of fantasies. You can’t have what you want unless you are brave enough to ask for it.
6. Know thyselfIt’s hard to tell your partner what you want, when you have no idea yourself. Any sex expert or sex therapist will tell you, masturbation is the key to knowing your body and its responses. Besides, in the midst of play, what man doesn’t like to see/feel you take control of matters, too?
7. Create your sexy spaceKick out the kid’s toys, clutter, and anything else that cramps your style. Turn your bedroom into a sexy safe haven with candles, soft fabrics, deep colors, and remove anything that doesn’t support it. Remember, your bedroom should be for two things: sleep and sex. So that TV you have up on the wall should make its way back to the living room (unless of course, you’re using it to watch naughty films together!).
8. Get your blood flow pumpingWe all know blood flow is key to sexy rendezvous, but did you know health problems like diabetes and heart disease can impede blood flow? Men, we know you’d like to maintain your—eh, hem—blood flow, right? One of the best ways to get your blood working for you, instead of against you, it to manage these diseases. One likely cause is weight; so if you get your body moving at least 3 days a week, for 30 minutes, not only will your body’s natural endorphins kick in, you may find yourself at a healthier weight, too.
9. Kegel it upThis one deserves a comment all on its own. For women who have had children, using kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles will not only translate into better sensation, but also increased blood flow to your nether regions. Contracting your pelvic floor muscles for a couple seconds, 20-30 times each day can make a huge impact. Give it a try!
10. De-stress for the bestNo one feels sexy when they are stressed to the hilt. When you find yourself in one of life’s tailspins, find a way to pull yourself back out. Try meditation, long walks; not to mention the exercise we discussed in #8. Don’t forget, if you can let it go, sex is one of life’s stress-busters, too. When all else fails, let go and give in to a little sexy time. You may find those stresses seem a lot more manageable once you get started.
11. Break out the toysIf you don’t use toys, or if it’s been a while, sit down with your partner and order up something new. Adding a little spice to the bedroom with a toy could be just what you need to take sex from lukewarm to sizzling hot. There are plenty of great sites out there that both sell and rate them for their uses. If you’re already an old pro, but it’s been a while, break out the bag of goodies and put those toys to work again. I’m not saying there’s a Toy Story reference in here, but hey—those toys will probably be just as happy as you are to get used again.
12. Bust out of routinesEven the best sex partners can go through a rut in routine when you’ve been together long enough. If this is you, it’s time to decide where you’d like to break from the norm and try something that’s been playing in the back of your mind. Do you always have sex in the bedroom? Try the stairs, or the kitchen. Heck, why not go out in the backyard for a quickie? Whatever it is, big or small; decide on breaking the unspoken sex rules in your house and test out something you’ve been meaning to try.
Sometimes, we all need a little reminder about the ways we can improve aspects of our lives. We all get mentally and physically tired, which can impede our ability to think creatively to solve a problem. Hopefully these tips will help spice things up for you and your partner tonight and in the future. Even if you only try one or two of them, you’ll likely improve your outlook and certainly make strides toward having the sex you dream of. If that happens to be straight out of the playbook of 50 Shades, have fun and let loose. It’s your life and you deserve to have some fun with it.
Carissa Andrews is an passionate author and freelancer from Minnesotan with a focus in creative writing.